ゆるーい日記

Thank you mom English version

Welcome! I’m Masaaki.

This time I would like to talk about my mother who died in June 2020.

Looking at the incoming call history on the smartphone, the history from the mother half a year ago still remains. Sometimes I wonder if my mother will answer the call if I call back as it is. I wish the radio waves of mobile phones could reach the world after death …

Anyway bright person

My mother is 71 years old, born in 1945. For the last year, I was fighting against cancer and was desperately trying to live.

In a word, my mother’s personality may be a common expression of “bright personality”, but she was really cheerful and had many friends.

Even when I was hospitalized for cancer, as soon as I entered the shared room, I was surprised by the loud voice saying “Thank you for your cooperation!” It seems that he was spending time with the people in the same room while he was in the hospital, and he was having a good time talking with the nurse.

I remember the grandmother in the same room who was leaving the hospital, tearfully leaving the room, saying, “I’m lonely when I get home, so I want to stay here and talk with my mother.” The nurse who brought me the temperature and medicine was forced to put the sweets and fruits that I had visited into my mouth and eat them.

It seems that my mother’s house was always crowded with tea drinking parties because I had a good relationship with my neighbors at home.

When my mother was young

It seems that such a mother married her father at the age of 19 after a big romance.

He said that he was tied by pushing the opposition around him. I gave birth to me at the age of 21, gave birth to my eldest daughter at the age of 23, and raised my second daughter at the age of 26. The only thing I remember when I was little was that my mother was always angry. It seems that the mother and father had a bad relationship with the couple at an early stage.

And when I was 15 years old and my mother was 36 years old, I divorced my father who ran away with alcohol, money, and a woman. When I got divorced, I brought up my two daughters with no money, no furniture in a cheap apartment.

I lived with my father’s grandfather and grandmother. When I talked about old times, my mother said with tears, “It was really hard at that time.”

When I was in the second year of high school, I left my grandfather and grandmother and lived with my mother and three siblings. It was only a year, but I still remember having fun every day.

My mother has become brighter since she divorced. He said that he worked for a cosmetics company and was doing sales work, and his grades were always close to the top.

Then my mother said, “I was popular with men.” In fact, my boyfriend has come to my house and I’ve been taken to play.

I will leave Hokkaido to go on to university.

When I came to live away from my hometown, I used to go home three times a year, but now I go home twice, once every two years, and so on. I did.

I once sent a letter to my mother. It’s been a couple of years since I left Hokkaido, and it’s something like “I understand the gratitude of my parents. Thank you.”

He was very pleased.

Mother remarries in her early 40s. I had the opposite image of my older school teacher and cheerful mother, but above all, I was a little relieved to see her happy mother.

My mother went to her wife, so her surname changed. Now I don’t have to worry about my mother, and I feel like I’m getting farther away from my hometown.

Mother’s illness

My mother had breast cancer 15 years ago in her mid-50s. At that time, I heard that it was Stage IV, and I flew back to Hokkaido. After removing the cancer and continuing anti-cancer drug treatment, the part that seems to have metastasized is also removed, and after overcoming the difficult fighting illness, it will be completely cured in 2 to 3 years.

A few years later, her remarried husband died of cancer. My mother lived alone, but she didn’t look particularly lonely. He seemed busy taking care of his grandchildren. It was really helpful because my sister and her husband lived near my mother’s house.

I heard three years before my mother died. When asked, “Do you want to live with me in Yamagata Prefecture?”, My mother immediately answered, “Yes, I will live with me.” I thought that living alone seemed to be fun and I couldn’t leave Hokkaido, where I have many friends, but I was surprised at the answer that I would live together in Yamagata Prefecture, but my mother was a little lonely as she got older. It may be.

However, I didn’t live together in Yamagata prefecture until the end. I haven’t seemed to come here since I answered that I would live with me. Even if you ask “when will you come?”

When I think about it now, I regret that I should have brought it here by force.

Last new year

In March 2019, another cancer will be found in her mother’s body. At stage 4, the pancreas, liver, and stomach had adhered to each other, making surgery impossible.

I went to Hokkaido from Yamagata once every two months for one year after the cancer was found. My mother finally said, “Let’s go to Yamagata” after this situation, but the doctor said that she couldn’t tolerate the movement if she was weakened by anti-cancer drugs.

Six months after my fight against illness, my cancer miraculously became smaller and I felt better. For the first time in a long time, the whole family was able to spend a fun and lively time on New Year’s Day in 2020. My mother said the same thing over and over again, “It was fun ~” and “We can’t sleep together unless we prepare a little more futon next year.” I’m glad it looked really fun.

However, as soon as the New Year ended, my physical condition suddenly deteriorated, and from the diagnosis result that there was no chance of recovery even if I continued to use anticancer drugs, I decided to move to the facility “hospice”, which is quietly reaching the end while continuing pain relief. I did.

I got a call from my mother a month before I died. Although it was a weak voice, I was able to have a strange and normal conversation. I was surprised that my mother said “I wonder if I can keep a dog” at the end of a casual conversation, whether I was in good physical condition or I was focusing on the last power, but I also matched the story. When I asked “I’ll keep it when I leave the hospital-what kind of dog should I have?”, “My face is crushed and my legs are short .” “Is it a pug?” “Oh yeah, that’s it.” It was the last conversation with.

He died in June 2020 at the age of 71. On the last New Year spent with the whole family, my mother secretly wrote a suicide note.

The contents of the suicide note included things that I wanted you to put in the casket together, insurance, a house, a grave, and friends. What I wanted to put in the casket together was prepared by putting it in cardboard. When I checked the inside of the box to see what was in it, I found beads, hobby handicraft tools, and an old letter .It was “I understand the gratitude of my parents. Thank you.” I sent to my mother 30 years ago. There was a letter of “.”

I’ve always taken care of it .

To mother

What kind of life was your mother?

I couldn’t live together so much, so I wanted to live in Yamagata for the last time. That one year of living with four people in Hokkaido is still a fun memory that I will never forget.

My mother at that time lived, so I think she was doing her best.

After all, I could only say “thank you” to my mother when I sent a letter 30 years ago.

I’ve lived for 50 years and only once.

Mom, thank you so much for 71 years.

And mom …

Thank you.

ABOUT ME
まさあき
「まさあき」といいます。 山形県の自然豊かな場所で親子3人と猫2匹でほのぼの生活しています。 只今51歳!剥げちゃって「髪なし」です! 2020年5月からブログ開始。 2021年からギター初心者がYouTubeに初投稿。 Twitter好き!朝活継続中。 一日一日をポジティブに、そして「良い一日」にできるように行動しています。 このブログは、そんなおじさんの思い付きを「ゆる~く」発信しています。